


The Man in the Dark Blue Room

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 10:34:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6851176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had never seen her so unhinged; she prided herself on self-control in the midst of chaos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man in the Dark Blue Room

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with rape, and the aftermath of an event of that nature.

The four of them sat in the Caucus Room on Monday night having dinner after a long day at the White House. It was almost 11:00 and though they had hardly been there for an hour, Nora was ready to go. The whole place smelled of cigars and she felt as if she was going to be sick. Gripping Toby's arm, she got his attention.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It reeks in here Toby; I have to leave."

"OK. C'mon."

They stood, getting the look from Josh and Charlie.

"Nora doesn't feel well." He said. "I think it might be better if I just take her home."

"OK."

Joe Pelham from Senator Stackhouse's office walked up as Nora was sliding into her suit jacket. They all shook hands and since Joe was the chatty type, he got right to it. The Senator had a new political strategist and Joe was showing him around. He was a miracle worker from Providence and the Senator liked his gumption.

"I'm sorry Joe, maybe I can meet him later." Nora said. "I'm not feeling well right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Wait, here he is. Mike, come here. Guys, this is Mike Kaplan."

Just the name made Nora's stomach pitch forward. As soon as she saw his face, her hand covered her mouth.

"I'm going to be sick." She announced, brushing past the men and rushing out the door. Rushing out of that place was no easy feat; briefcases and knapsacks always littered the floor. Toby apologized as he followed her out.

"Is Nora alright?" Joe asked.

"She's ill I guess." Josh said. He looked at Mike. "I'm Josh Lyman and this is Charlie Young."

***

Toby found Nora outside, retching at the side of the building. She looked as if she already lost her appetizers, twice. Toby put his hands on her shoulders and she jumped.

"Don't touch me!" she commanded.

"OK." Toby backed up; he knew that voice. She was having a flashback. "I'll just hail a cab."

He wanted to help her as she threw up. He wanted to shield her from the prying eyes of passerby and possibly the photographers. Nora took a few deep breaths and turned.

"Get a cab please…I want to go home."

Toby nodded, almost sick himself by how frightened and ill she looked. On the ride home, she did not let him touch her, preferring to lean on the window with her eyes closed. The cab pulled up to her apartment and Toby paid him.

"Nora?"

"Yeah."

She allowed him to help her out of the cab but after that, she moved away. The keys did not work in her trembling hands and after a few minutes, she dropped them in Toby's palm. Inside the apartment, she poured herself vodka and iced tea and tried to take a couple of deep breaths. She knew the alcohol wouldn't stay down for long.

"What happened back there?" Toby asked.

"The smoke just made me sick, that's all."

"That was my fault…I picked the Caucus Room. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." Nora snapped. "I'm sorry doesn't help!"

"Nora, what's the matter? OK, that's a stupid question I know."

His hand found her hip. Startled by the contact, Nora dropped her glass on the floor. The glass shattered everywhere and liquid spilled all over the linoleum.

"Don't touch me." Now she was crying.

"Sugar, I…"

"Toby I just need you to leave. Please go."

He wanted to talk to her, hold her, but that was not going to happen tonight. Nodding, he went toward the door.

"Goodnight Nora. Please call if you need anything."

She didn't even answer him…she was already on her way to shower to wash away the shame.

***

Wednesday she ran on the treadmill, running from her past, from the nightmares that plagued her sleep. She could still smell him, the beer coming out of his pores, though she had taken about six showers in less than 36 hours. She felt the pain and the blood, staring at the dark blue walls and fighting the urge to vomit as his hand pressed over her mouth to cover the screaming. In the gym shower, she cried again, trying to get ready to go back to the White House. Soon she would have to explain herself to Toby; explain her behavior. For the second night in a row at 4am, Nora lay in bed holding the cordless phone in her hands.

God, she wanted to call him. She wanted to explain herself, and feel his arms around her and his whispered words of love, but she'd had a nightmare. It was the one where she woke up and Mike was still there…the one where she woke up and could only scream in terror. She was not in her bedroom; she was back in the blue room. She could hear her mother's voice ringing in her ear, 'no one wants a broken, spoiled girl Nora. It's best to put this behind you.' Instead of calling Toby, she called Rebecca Cavanaugh, and left a voicemail.

She was late for Senior Staff that morning, apologizing profusely as she leaned against the wall away from the group. Toby looked at her but she averted her gaze the whole time.

"Sam, I need a copy of the President's comments for the Ornithological Society by two. I don't want him to do this, but it seems as if he has a sudden fondness for birds." Leo said.

"Its an election year." Josh replied. "He has a fondness for everything."

"CJ, we are not commenting on anything the Ritchie campaign says about balking on the debates."

"We need at least three." Toby said.

With that, everyone started shouting. Leo ended it with a loud wolf whistle.

"That is another argument for another day. Josh, you're sitting with McIntyre, Sharpe, Bingham and the gang today. I don't know what their damn problem is but whatever it is I do not want it ruining the day care bill."

"I got it."

"Toby, you're talking to Al Caldwell today at two and then you need to sit down with John Hoynes to discuss this speaking schedule."

"What the hell did I do?" he muttered.

They all laughed but Toby was not moved.

"We want to assure our religious constituents that the President is a God-fearing man. We are not going to side on a lot…"

"Like prayer, choice, women's rights, and gay marriage." Sam said.

"But we have a few markers. Al is a good person, a fair person, and it is just a conversation. And please don't piss off the Vice-President; our offices are getting along just fine now and CJ does not need to deal with those questions in the pressroom. Speaking of, CJ it is no one's business what the sex of our child is or what our sonograms look like. Try to steer clear of baby names in today's briefings…there are more important things at hand right now."

"I am doing everything I can." She replied. "You think I am the first woman in history to have a child. I cannot avoid those questions either Leo."

"Yeah, I know, just try to keep it to a minimum OK? Now Nora…Nora? Hey Nora, are you with us?"

"Hey Nora?"

Josh touched her elbow and she nearly jumped out of her skin. All of her folders fell on the floor. She bent down to collect everything and stood to look at the concerned eyes of the senior staff.

"I'm sorry Leo; I haven't been sleeping well lately."

"Get on the ball." Leo replied. "You're meeting with Stackhouse's political strategist this afternoon. Then I want you on the Hill counting votes. Pull some markers and poke your head into offices. Definitely take some time to chat with McNamara."

"Stackhouse's political strategist?" she had not heard a thing after that.

"Yeah, Mike something or other. Be nice to him; Stackhouse is endorsing us and has all but promised not to make trouble. Extend the olive branch but don't dangle it."

Nora did not respond at all. Leo ended the meeting right after that and they all filed out. He was surprised to see his special assistant still standing there.

"Nora. Are you ill? What's the matter with you? We need you and we need you at 150%, so get it together."

"I will not talk to Mike." Nora walked over to Leo's desk slowly.

"Why not? Oh come on, whatever happened between you in some past life, let it go. I cannot deal with the high school garbage right now. I didn't think this guy was an insider anyway, that's why…"

"He raped me Leo."

The Chief of Staff stopped moving. In a few seconds, his faculties returned and he moved to close all the doors.

"Sit down." He touched her arm and she flinched. "I'm sorry. C'mon Nora, please sit down. Would you like a glass of water or something?"

"No. I'm sorry, because I don't want to be unprofessional…"

"Forget that. I won't push you but this is something we have to talk about."

***

"Anybody want to tell me how I got stuck with Mike Kaplan?" Josh asked.

He wandered into Toby's office during CJ's briefing. She was trying to rein the press in as they asked more questions about the baby.

"OK folks, you know what, hundreds of thousands of children are born daily…this is getting tired. This is the last briefing where this is going to happen. I am 25 weeks pregnant. My baby is normal size with a healthy heartbeat and good brainwaves. I have chosen not to find out the sex and have no names picked out. I will continue to work until July 3rd, approximately 10 days before my due date. Does anyone have any pertinent government questions they would like answered?"

"Good answer." Josh said to the TV.

"That was supposed to be Nora's meeting." Toby said.

"Yeah, I know. Is she alright? I have never seen her look so distracted."

"What are you asking me for?" Toby snapped.

"Um, cuz you took her home the other night. She said she was sick and hasn't been right since then."

"I just dropped her off."

"Well she doesn't look good. I hope she doesn't spread it; I catch everything."

"Uh huh. I have a lot of work to do Josh, so if you don't mind…"

"Right. See ya."

Josh walked out and Toby picked up his phone. He dialed Nora's extension and her assistant Joel answered.

"I'm sorry Toby; she had to step out for an emergency."

"Do you know when she'll be back?" Toby asked.

"No. She said that she would be gone for about an hour and Mr. McGarry said her cell phone would be off."

Leo? What the hell was going on and what did Leo have to do with it?

"OK, thanks Joel."

Toby left the office and took a walk down to the press area. They were still harassing CJ but she would be back soon. Maybe she could shed some light on what was happening. It was not like Nora to be so closed off. They had moved past all of this. On June 12th it would be one year…they counted back from their first real date. He had never seen her so unhinged; she prided herself on self-control in the midst of chaos. Something was certainly wrong and all Toby wanted to do was hold her and make her safe.

***

"I cannot believe you came to see me on your day off. Oh my God, you didn't have to do that."

"Nora, you called me at 4:17 am to tell me the night terrors were back. You are a patient and I think I can spare 50 minutes. Tell me what happened."

Nora took a deep breath. She put her bottle of water down and hugged the couch cushion.

"I thought I was over this. My God, it was damn near 20 years ago."

"Nora, you were raped. A man you barely knew stole your trust and your innocence; you don't get over that. You move on, and you grow, but you never forget. A part of you died that night in that room."

"I saw him." Nora replied in a small voice.

"In your dreams? He is vivid again?"

"I saw him in the Caucus Room Becky. He is Senator Stackhouse's new political strategist."

"How does that make you feel?" Rebecca asked.

"Like I did that night…I haven't seen him since then. I didn't want to go to that damn restaurant anyway."

"Why not?"

"Because it fucking reeks of cigar smoke. The smell gets in my clothes, and it gets all over Toby. I was throwing up, oh God he even looked the same. He raped me and my boss gave me a meeting with him."

"What did you tell Leo?"

"I had no choice but to tell him the truth. Now he looks at me differently. He is going to see me as a piece of chipped glass now. I've lost his respect."

"You don't truly believe that do you?"

"I don't know. God, it is so clichéd…the powerful woman/teenage rape victim. It has Oprah episode written all over it. How can I tell everyone? I cannot let them look at me like a victim; I can't let Toby look at me that way."

"I thought you told Toby what happened to you." Rebecca said.

"I did. He does not know everything, and he doesn't know about Mike. Toby has a bad temper."

"Are you afraid he will get angry at you? Perhaps violent?"

"No. He would never do something like that. I just…Becky what if he is repulsed by me?"

"He wasn't the first time. What makes this time different?"

"My rapist is sitting in a plush office on Capitol Hill. He is not going to be able to sit and let that be."

They were quiet for a while. Nora lit a cigarette and the tears welled in her eyes.

"I have to get back to work. I have to salvage this day."

"Yes you do. Nora, you are strong and you beat this once. I think you have to open up more, talk to Toby, talk to the people you trust. I know you don't want to relive it but…"

"I have to. OK, I can do it."

"Please don't rush yourself. Take your time; this is a delicate situation."

"I want the nightmares to end. I've only had two so far but I do not welcome anymore. I was back in that room again."

Rebecca got up and went over to her desk. She opened her date book.

"I want to see you again; next Tuesday at 7:30."

"Yeah."

"No canceling Nora. If you need to see me before that, do not hesitate to call. I don't have to tell you that the next couple of weeks will be rough."

***

"Hey."

"Hey Chuck roast, what can I do for you?"

Nora sat in her office Wednesday evening at quarter to seven, trying to concentrate on the day care bill. The House of Representatives schedule also sat open and C-Span 2 played on low volume.

"I would like to know how I collected all of these silly nicknames. You owe the President $35."

"You're kidding me? Azerbaijan beat Brazil in soccer?"

"Hell no. This is basketball…Washington lost to the Celtics last night."

"Oh God, what sacrilege. See Charlie that is what happens when two lousy teams play."

"Someone had to lose their money." Charlie replied, taking the bills. "Are you feeling better? You looked horrible the other night. It could be the bug my sister had…she threw up for three days."

"No, I'm OK. Cigar smoke makes me sick. I guess that's why I usually avoid the Caucus Room."

"Alright. Are you sure Nora?"

She put on a smile.

"I am. Thanks Charlie, if I was not madly in love with my speechwriter I would definitely be your girl."

"Mmm hmm, that's what they all say. Oh by the way, Josh is getting pizza tonight. You want a say on toppings?"

"Bacon." She said.

"Got it. That soccer match isn't until Saturday afternoon. I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Nora turned up Bobby Brown on the radio. Damn, she hadn't heard Rock Wit Cha in forever. There was a tap on the door; Nora invited her guest in.

"Hey."

She looked at Toby and her stomach dropped. My God, how was she going to do this? How many times had she called to God in the past couple of days? _Please lord, give me strength and forgive me for being a backsliding heathen_.

"Hello Toby."

He came further into the office and closed the door. _You are not afraid of him_ , she repeated in her head. _He would not hurt you; he loves you_.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"$35 poorer but alright. You?"

"You gave Josh Mike Kaplan and you haven't been around all day. After Monday I…"

"Leo gave Josh that appointment, not me. I don't want to talk about that right now."

She could not do it, not yet. She wanted to but this was not the time. Instead, she put on a smile.

"I just want to get this day over with, you know?"

"Yeah. I guess I was just worried about you."

"We'll talk soon, just not tonight Toby. I think I am calling it a night in an hour or so anyway. All I want to do is take a bath and crawl under the covers."

Toby wanted to ask if she wanted company, but something in the air made it feel inappropriate. If she wanted him there then she would say so. Weren't they past words though? Actually tonight, he had no idea where they were.

"Nora, I…"

"Toby please."

"What?"

"I can't do it right now. You have a ton of questions, I know, but I am not in a position to answer them. I don't want to do this in the West Wing and I need you to understand."

"OK. I hope you get to relax tonight. People are worried about you."

"I doubt I will, but thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll see you tomorrow."

No kiss, no hug, hardly a smile. Toby just took a deep breath and walked out.

***

Sleep eluded her at 3:17am. Nora did not go home, take a long bath, and crawl under the covers. She came home, put on Luther Vandross, showered and sat on her couch. Four beers and a half a pack of cigarettes later, she had not moved an inch. At one Nora managed to pick herself up and go to her bedroom. Sleep did not come. Maybe it should have been bourbon and not beer, but then it might have been difficult to wake up from nightmares.

She picked up the phone and dialed his cell phone number.

"Hello."

"It doesn't sound like I woke you." She said.

"You didn't."

"What's keeping you awake?"

"You're not serious? For three days you have hardly spoken to me. You are edgy, frightened and passing off work. Disappearing in the middle of the afternoon and turning off your cell phone. I am worried sick about you Nora."

"I know. I need to talk to you."

"I can come over."

"No. Meet me; um meet me at the Lincoln Memorial."

"What? Nora, its after three in the morning."

"Please." There was a sad desperation in her voice that broke Toby's heart. "Just please meet me there in a half hour."

"I will be there, I promise."

"OK. Bye."

Nora hung up the phone, climbing out of bed. She dressed in a vinyl sweat suit and threw a skully cap over her unkempt ponytail. After sticking mace and her house keys in her pocket, Nora walked out into the cool night air. She tried to go over in her mind what she was going to say when she saw him…she was trapped with no escape. This could not continue anyway; she loved Toby. Even if he was repulsed and never touched her again this had to be done.

"Hey."

The sound of his voice startled her. She had been concentrating on Abraham Lincoln; the beauty and greatness of the statue was never lost on Nora. Every time she looked at it, she remembered the archival footage she saw as a child of Marian Anderson standing on the steps singing America. It was in that moment, at 8 years old, that Nora decided she would rather wear a fluffy dress everyday for the rest of her life than to join the DAR.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Toby looked uncomfortable. "I feel like I am trapped in a Clancy novel and you will spill government secrets to me in a Russian accent."

That made Nora smile.

"Nowadays it would probably be an Irish dialect."

"What's the matter Nora?"

"The past couple of days have been hard for me, and I know they have been for you too. I should have never gone to the Caucus Room."

"That was my fault. I should have thought about the cigar smoke…I should have been more vigilant."

"Toby, Michael Kaplan raped me. He was the Brown student."

Toby just stared at her. He did not have to say a word; Nora could see him crumbling on the inside. It was like a house of cards blowing over in a light breeze. Neither spoke and they stood far apart. She could not even feel him…it seemed as if the essence of Toby was gone. She moved closer but still gave him plenty of space. She knew the rage was boiling.

"Michael Kaplan raped you." He repeated.

"Yes."

"I shook that son of a bitch's hand and he raped you?"

"You didn't know Toby."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I have not seen him in 18 years. That night was the first and last time. Toby, we have to talk about this."

"What?"

"I was raped."

"You told me that six months ago."

"My mother never let me talk about it with anyone."

"You said you had therapy at school and during college." Toby replied.

"I did, but it was a lot of repression. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm damaged; I found a miracle worker here in DC. Its just…in that restaurant Monday night I was 18 again."

Toby nodded, but said nothing.

"You are the third person who knows his name. Maybe I was afraid if I said it aloud, it would never go away. But I love you and I can't hide anymore. He stole so much from me; he was not going to steal you."

"I'm not going anywhere sugar."

Toby came closer and took his hand. Nora squeezed it.

"How will you work with him?" Toby asked.

"I won't. Leo knows and we've talked about it. I also went back to my therapist."

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

"Would that bother you?"

If he were honest with himself he would tell her yes. He did not like the idea of Nora exposing her vulnerabilities to the masses. He hated the fact that Leo knew; that Mike Kaplan worked for Senator Stackhouse who was a decent man. What he hated the most was that he could not protect her. He hated that she hurt but could not stand the touch of comfort.

"Yes." He breathed.

"I appreciate your honesty."

"We always need to be that way with each other. Michael Kaplan will be run out of DC on a rail."

"Toby…"

"No way in hell Nora. I could not protect you then but I sure as hell can now. I know a conservative pundit who would love to know about the past of the Hill's new golden boy. It is as simple as an anonymous letter. Rapists are rarely one-time offenders."

"You just said you didn't want everyone to know and now you plan to expose him. You'll be exposing me as well. Please don't do this."

"He raped you!" Toby exclaimed.

"You think I don't know that! I have been reliving it for days! Has anyone ever held you down Toby? Crushed their hand to your mouth until you thought you would lose consciousness? Then silently praying to lose consciousness so you wouldn't feel the pain and smell the blood…"

"Nora please." Toby thought he was going to be sick. Who would ever do something like that to a woman? To Nora?

"Everyone told me to move on Toby, even my friends. It was my own fault because I refused to give his name. I was so scared and alone."

He pulled her to him, crushing her against his chest. Nora inhaled and she smelled Toby…antibacterial soap and the faint scent of Polo for Men. Wrapping around him tight, Nora held him as they both cried silent tears.

"I love you sugar; I love you so much. Just hold onto me."

She did and when she finally let go she could breathe again.

"We should get out of here before we get arrested." She said.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" he asked.

Nora shook her head.

"I want to go to bed. I have not had any real sleep in days. I'm getting ready to fall over."

"I'll walk you home."

Nora took his hand and tried to let go of the shackles binding her. They didn't talk on the way and Nora still felt the tears falling down her face.

"You cannot attack Mike Kaplan Toby."

She said it on the corner of her block and Toby looked at her as they crossed the street.

"He should be in jail, not working for a Senator."

"Well, he's not."

"Look, I cannot ever begin to put myself in your shoes but your paths are going to cross. How are you going to handle that Nora?"

"I don't know. Leo is trying to make sure it never happens, but I cannot run."

"He pretended not to recognize you." Toby said.

"How do we know that he really didn't? While I will never forget his face, he may never have looked at mine."

"We'll threaten him."

"Stop it!" they were standing on her steps now. "You can't be a brute and abuse people…it makes you no better than him."

"I can do whatever I want to him. Look, he at least needs to recognize that we know who he is and what he's done."

"Oh good lord, this sounds like something that involves Josh, Sam, and Charlie."

"With the proper influence Josh can come up with a halfway decent plan. Sam is the innocent face and Charlie is my wingman. We will fly under the radar, I promise. We have to do it."

Nora sighed; she was not going to be able to stop him. She took Toby's face into her hands.

"Are you going to call me when you need bail money?" she asked.

Toby smiled. He wanted to kiss her but stopped himself.

"You better go in and get some sleep."

"You're going home?"

"I thought…"

"If you don't want to I understand; I really do. I just was hoping, maybe, you wanted to hold me."

"Are you kidding me? Of course I want to hold you. Come on."

They walked into the house. Nora kissed him softly at the bottom of the stairs.

"I love you, and I will always be there to pay your bail."

"I'll always risk jail for you. You're worth it."

***

Nora watched on Friday afternoon as the men left the White House and headed for the Hill. Again, she tried to talk Toby out of it, but it was not going to happen.

"I have a feeling that I am going to have to spin that." CJ said.

She walked into Nora's office and sat across from her desk.

"What?" Nora asked.

"The boys leaving at the same time in the middle of the afternoon. If Leo were with them, I would have already called the police. Instead I worry that take out the trash day may become mug shot day."

"I don't want you to ever have to lie to the press so I'm not saying a word."

"Shit, they're going to Stackhouse's office."

"CJ, calm down."

"Is a felony involved?" she asked.

"Making terroristic threats, yeah, there's a felony involved. Possibly simple assault. Maybe aggravated if Toby gets mad. They promised to fly under the radar."

"The Three Stooges and Charlie, are you serious? That young man has a bright future ahead of him."

The Special Assistant could not help but smirk.

"At least Charlie and Sam can make a break for it if the trouble starts. Josh and Toby, they're going down."

"Are they really going over there?"

"Yeah. I tried to talk him down but couldn't."

"It will make him feel better to kick the guy's ass. He can't exactly do that so he will scare the hell out of him. They all want to protect us, and sometimes it is a real pain in the ass but other times its so noble. Toby can't stand by helpless while you hurt."

"I know. I wish no one had to do this…I wish Mike Kaplan was dead. But he's not, so I keep living too."

CJ nodded.

"Let's get the girls together for Flatliners tonight." She said. "We can drool over Kevin Bacon."

Nora smiled.

"That sounds like a plan. Thanks CJ."

"Of course." She stood. "Call me if you get a phone call…I'm Sam's bail money contact."

"OK, so I got you and Donna for Josh. What about Charlie? Its not Zoey anymore."

"Its Abbey now. They have an understanding. Don't worry; none of them will be in jail longer than an hour if this does not go as planned."

"I think its going to be fine, and I think I'm going to be fine."

"You will be. You have friends who love you and a man who stops at nothing to protect you. I have a feeling Stackhouse will be losing a strategist in an hour or so. Let me know."

Nora nodded, watching as CJ waddled down the hall. She would go back to her therapist on Tuesday and probably again the week after that. There would be some residual nightmares, there always were. But it was time to pick herself up, dust herself off and grow past this episode. Nora had called his name out loud and she was not scared and alone anymore…she had the force of an army behind her.

***


End file.
